Toast
by quaint-little-categories
Summary: There's lots of thing you can do with a toaster, Jack smirked. Ianto shook his head, No. No there's not.Jack discovers you can travel in time by sticking your hand in a toaster. But every now and then something goes wrong.Doctor Who xover
1. Toaster

Ianto's eyes widened as he walked into the small kitchenette.

"Come on", Jack groaned, "Almost there".

"Sir?" Ianto called cautiously, "Do you need any help?"

"I'm fine", Jack smiled lightly then went back to the problem at hand, literally.

Ianto looked from Jack's concentrated face down to Jack's hand that was firmly stuck in the toaster.

Ianto stood silently, deciding to stay in case Jack changed his mind.

He laughed quietly at Jack's attempts but stopped when he picked up a knife.

"Jack?", Ianto walked forward hurriedly.

Jack looked up, knife poised, "Don't worry! I'm not lopping my hand off".

"It's not that, sir", Ianto bit his lip, "That's a metal object".

"Yes", Jack nodded.

"And your hand's stuck inside a toaster".

Jack held up his arm and the toaster came with it, "You don't miss a thing. What's your point?"

"Well, sir, metal objects and electrical appliances don't really get along".

"Oh, yeah", Jack dropped the knife.

"Are you sure you don't want some help?".

Jack flashed Ianto a grin, "Don't worry, I'm fine".

"So, your just going to leave it on there?", Ianto asked, eyes wide.

"There are lots of things you can do with a toaster", Jack stated suggestively.

"No" Ianto shook his head, "No there's not".

Jack frowned, "Name one thing I can't do".

"Shower for instance", Ianto pointed out.

"I'll but a plastic bag over it", Jack retorted.

"Eat?".

"One handed", Jack waved his free hand.

"Sleep?".

"Quite comfortably".

Ianto's eyes got a twinkle, "Well, you can't use a stopwatch anymore".

"Course I can!".

Ianto smirked, "Not with me you can't".

It took Ianto a minute and a half to get Jack's hand out of the toaster.


	2. Toaster Travel

Title: Toaster Travel

Rating: PG

Genre: Humour

Characters/Parings: Jack, Ianto, Doctor, mentions of Rose. Jack/Ianto

Doctor wandered around the control room in the Tardis. They were just hanging out in the Time Vortex for a few days before they decided where to go next.

Rose was off doing something and that left Doctor alone wondering what to do.

He considered breaking something so he could fix it but decided against it.

He collapsed in a seat kindly provided by the Tardis. He sighed and looked around. This is what he hated when he wasn't constantly on the move, the boredom. It left to much time for his mind to wander. It's not that he didn't care if his mind wandered, he was just a bit worried if it didn't come back, again.

Suddenly there was loud noise and the sound of scraping and out of nowhere Captain Jack Harkness appeared in the middle of the room.  
Doctor's eyes widened, "What the..."  
Jack looked around, grinned and pumped his arm in the air, toaster attached, "Yes!"  
Doctor gaped at him, "How? How?"  
Jack smirked, "I proved him wrong! You can travel in time by sticking your hand in a toaster!".

Half an hour earlier -

It took Ianto a minute and a half to get Jack's hand out of the toaster.

Once Jack's hand was free he rubbed it furiously, trying to get the blood running into it again. Ianto picked up his hand gently and planted a soft kiss on it.

"Better?"

Jack grinned, "Much".

Ianto picked up the toaster and inspected it, "No damage done. Why did you stick your hand in a toaster anyway?".

Jack shifted from foot to foot awkwardly, "Um, trying to get my toast?"

Ianto shook the toaster from side to side, "There's no toast in here, Jack".

"I was fixing it?".

"No you weren't", Ianto contradicted.

"No I wasn't", Jack agreed.

"Jack, tell me", Ianto ordered gently, "Is it embarrassing?".

"No", Jack answered quickly.

"What is it?"

"You're going to think I'm a complete idiot", Jack admitted.

"Sir", Ianto held back laughter, "I found you with your hand stuck in a toaster".

Jack grinned, "Fine. _Somebodytoldmeifyoustickyourhandinatoasteryoucantravelintime_".

Ianto frowned, "Slowly".

Jack sighed heavily, "Somebody told me if you stick your hand in a toaster you can travel in time".

Ianto burst out laughing, "And you believed them? Course you did! I found you with your hand in a toaster!".

"It works!", Jack protested, "Watch!".

Before Ianto could say anything, Jack grabbed the toaster and shoved his hand in it. Promptly he disappeared.

Ianto's eyes widened, "You've got to be bloody kidding me", he sighed, "I'm never going to hear the end of this one".

Half an hour later -

Doctor gaped at him, "How? How?"  
Jack smirked, "I proved him wrong! You can travel in time by sticking your hand in a toaster!".

Doctor shook his head and would have probably fallen over if he wasn't sitting in a chair.

"That's not possible", Doctor exclaimed.

"Well", Jack bounded over to him, "my hands in a toaster and I'm here. Is that enough of an explanation?".

He swooped down and picked up Doctor in a hug.

"Jack", Doctor struggled away from him, "You can't be here".

"But I am".

"But you shouldn't be".

Realisation lit up his face, "Oh yeah, time lines and all that".

"You better go before you create a paradox", Doctor said sadly.

Jack nodded, "Yeah".

He stepped away from the Doctor and pulled his hand out of the toaster he waved with it.

"I'll be back", he grinned.

Doctor returned the gesture, "I don't doubt it".

Jack plunged his hand back into the toaster and disappeared. Doctor's eyes widened and he shook his head.

"Bloody Jack", he laughed, "He's going to have to write a book one of these days".'

Back in the Hub-

There was loud noise and the sound of scraping and Jack re-appeared in the kitchenette.

Ianto shook his head at him, "Have a nice trip?".

Jack grinned, "What did I tell you?".

He went to pull his hand out of the toaster but it wouldn't budge.

Ianto sighed, "It's stuck again, isn't it?"

"Yup"


	3. Toasted

-1Title: Toasted

Part three of the Toast series…

Characters: Doctor, Rose

Sometimes Toaster Travel just doesn't work…and sometimes it's does…

Doctor watched in amazement as Jack plunged his hand back into the toaster and disappeared. Doctor's eyes widened and he shook his head.

"Bloody Jack", he laughed, "He's going to have to write a book one of these days".'

"Did you say somethin'?"

Doctor turned to Rose, who was leaning in the doorway.

"Nothing", he told her, "Have you decided where to go to next?"

Rose shrugged, "Don't know", she yawned, "I think I'm gonna go for a bit of a sleep".

Doctor smiled warmly at her, "We won't go anywhere till you wake up then".

"'aight", she called, wandering off, "Night!".

"Night".

Doctor wandered around the Tardis. Once again, he was bored. After a while he found himself in the galley kitchen.

He frowned, he wasn't hungry. He turned to leave when an object caught his attention.

It sat in the middle of the bench, seemingly harmless.

A toaster.

Doctor laughed to himself and walked to it. Picking it up he inspected it.

Just an ordinary toaster.

As he remembered it had been Rose who had bought it. When they made a pit stop in the 21st Century she had insisted on him buying a toaster.

It wasn't even alien but for some strange reason Doctor found himself intrigued.

Maybe it was curiosity or maybe stupidity that made him plunge his hand inside the toaster.

Nothing happened.

Doctor sighed then laughed. He didn't except it to work, he was just…checking.

He went to pull his hand out but it wouldn't move. Frowning he pulled insistently but it was stuck hard.

"Bloody Jack!", Doctor muttered.

"Why the hell do you have your hand inside a toaster?".

Doctor cringed and turned to face Rose.

"Ah, scientific purposes?", Doctor tried.

Rose frowned, "O-K"

She jumped up and sat on the kitchen bench, watching the Doctor struggle with the toaster.

He shook it, tugged it and banged it.

It stayed firmly attached.

He turned puppy dog eyes on Rose, "Help me!".

Rose laughed and hopped down. She slipped her hand in around the Doctor's and shifted it slightly.

She frowned determinedly and gave his hand a pull. It came out easily.

"What were you even doing with your hand in a toaster?", Rose asked, "Trying to toast yourself?".

"I told you", Doctor said, edging towards the door, "Scientific purposes".

Rose shook her head as Doctor slipped away.

She walked to a cupboard and grabbed out a plate and a knife. She felt like toast now.

Doctor re-entered the kitchen ten minutes later just in time to see Rose grabbing a piece of toast out of the toaster.

"Did you make some for me?", he called cheerfully.

She jumped, startled, and dropped the toast back into the toaster.

"Nice one", she sighed then grinned, "Nah, thought you would have had enough toast".

She turned back to the toaster and switched it off at the wall.

Doctor frowned, "What are you doing?".

"Gettin' my toast", she replied.

"Rose!", Doctor yelled as she stuck her hand in the toaster to grab her breakfast.

He watched as she disappeared before his eyes. He slammed his fist against the bench.

"Bloody Jack!".


End file.
